Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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