im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
