It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
