dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
