Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
