I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
