some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
