I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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