get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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