every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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