I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
