:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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