aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
