Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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