he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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