I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
