Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
