I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
