Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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