Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
