so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
