That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
