And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
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Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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