Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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