Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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