maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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