Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
