It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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