no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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