My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
