I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
