3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
