i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
