You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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