If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
