Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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