just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
