the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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