If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
