It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
