i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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