remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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