Are we in a gay sports bar?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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