I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
