drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
