and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
