Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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