guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
