Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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