It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
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Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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