is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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