Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
