I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Found the puke drawer
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
