I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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