I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
