It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
