a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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