last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize