Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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