He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize