R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
