just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
