she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
