you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
