this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
