you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
