they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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