What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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