remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
