allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize