There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
