Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
