worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
