I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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