Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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