i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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