Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
