you guys were way drunker than both of me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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