therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
