# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
