tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
