I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
